If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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