That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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