Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
