didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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