Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize