He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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