Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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