Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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