it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Randomize
