I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
