Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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