that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
