even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
