Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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