They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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