It's like a parade of train wrecks.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
