I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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