the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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