just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
