i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
