So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
