Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I will be naked everywhere
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
