hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
one might say we're banned from that church
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
