i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
