wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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