dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
