If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
