In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'm passing your future prison.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
