I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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