I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
