So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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