what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
