so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize