Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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