WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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