he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
we should paint friendship bongs
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
