i used baking grease as lip gloss
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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