you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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