I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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