He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Randomize
