This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
