you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Randomize
