did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Your penis caused this!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
