he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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