Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
