According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
