Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
