come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
