if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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