He asked to "fluff my boner.."
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
