we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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