I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
