ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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