Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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