I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
never play flip cup with pint glasses
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
