Having a random hookup so left but love u
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
