So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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