He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My bed smells like the plague
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
