wakey wakey hands off snakey
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
