i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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