i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
