Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
