im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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