Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
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FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
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And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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