Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
