Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
