do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
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In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
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At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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