We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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