You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
